My Boyfriend Is Forgetting Me

It hurts.
So much.

I opened my gmail account and i received a message from Mark's father and a message from his mother. I was excited upon reading it, they were so sweet. I felt like I am very special for them. They always say they love me and always willing to help me whenever i need them.

But.

I read from his father's message that they were with Mark on the internet cafe. I was really hurt. I feel like something has struck my heart. And my smile suddenly disappeared from my face. I hate to think of it. He has forgotten to send me a message via e-mail. Or better call it, he NEVER sent me an e-mail. What does that mean? What did he do on the internet cafe? Chatting? Surfing on the friendster? For whom? For what?

Something is really strange. Maybe he's over me and tired of me. Maybe he's not interested in sending me an e-mail or it might be, he doesn't love me no more.

OUCH!!
So painful.

I still love him. Though I sot a bit tired of us. But it's not my fault, I was just over with those crying days. However, he promised to come back here for me. But that's two months from now, and maybe next year. On this situation of ours, will we reach those times and we're still on? I can. But, can he?

I'm puzzled.
I want to talk to him.
But that's going to be so hard. He has no cellphone. But who cares? If he wants to communicate with me, he will find way to reach me. And he's not making a way.

OUCH again!!

Anyway, I'll let God control my life. I will just let His Will be done. Even though I am hurt now, the time will come that i'll be totally happy again.

My Sister's Confession

Marriage is supposed to be a new horizon, not a start of a miserable life with someone you chose to spend the rest of your life with. My older sister, ate ayza, was she wrong? How can I help her?

After class, i went to my sis' boarding house directly to watch 'MISS UNIVERSE 2009' and then stayed there until afternoon, and even night. I enjoyed my stay there because i am really fond of just lying down and watching telly, that's what killing my time, at the same time, i had my bonding with her and our friend, we laughed and laughed. So happy, life seems to be worry-less.

Yesterday, my ate borrowed me P500 worth of money to pay for her boarding house' rental. I think it wasn't supposed to be her responsibility. My ate has a one-year-old baby and a not-her-own husband(it's not her fault, she fell inlove with the wrong guy), i am sorry for being rude, my emotion this time is infact slightly anger and pity. I waited this night for her 'husband' because ate told me that he was going to pay me her debt.

He came, with a serious face. I hate to say but I saw no spark in his eyes already the time he saw my sister, unlike before that they were so sweet. I heard them talked about the debt and i played deaf while reading a book my ate recommended me. They were arguing about money, he said he has no money but it's actually 'kinsenas' and usually, he has already accepted his salary. But he has no money to give to ate. How was I? I wanted to cry for i pity my sister. It was very obvious that he's not telling the truth. Later that night, my ate went outside and called me, she cried when i caught her, she said, "i am sorry tak, i have nothing to do. Your kuya has no money really. Actually, I hate to accept the fact that everything has changed from the day yza(her baby) was born.. I did everything for him but look what he has done to me, i already admitted the truth that i can't be with him all the time because he has two family to feed, but atleast he would show some affection, it can help me forget that i was tired being alone all day.. he won't tell me the reality between the two of them(kuya and his real wife), though i was insisting.. you know tak, i am already ashamed of myself, i always borrow money to you but i can't pay back.. don't worry, next time, i will try my best not to borrow anymore."

I answered, "It's really fine to me to lend you some of my allowance because i really want to help.. i always planned to offer you but i was shy because i don't know what to say, don't worry ate, you can pay atleast a fourth or half of your debt, so that i can eat tomorrow..", then i prayed silently, "LORD, help my ate please..", i tried to keep my eyes dry but when the tears started to fall off my eyes, i suddenly felt ANGER yo the man who made my sister's life so miserable.."

My ate instructed me that after receiving the money, i can go home and leave them immediately so they can talk. And that's what i did, i went home, crying and praying.

Also, i have this fear inside me, what if this will happen to me too? Can i resist the pain? I don't think so.

But as God has promised, those who will have faith in him and live in accordance to his Word will be provided with all their needs. I won't stop praying and believing that all these trials would end up as a lesson to live life correctly, we all have our choices, that designs our life.

To ate: I love you ate, and I am willing to help you and be your friend in times of your sorrows. God bless you!

How We Celebrated Our 13th Monthsary

Last night, it was already 11:30 when i slept because i was preparing the message i am going to send to him, and it was successful. I prayed then slept.

There was like a bomb that woke me up this morning. I suddenly got up and checked my cellphone if ever he texted me first, but i failed. Still, i sent the message i prepared last night and i followed it up with an instruction about our activities this day, i said: "by 12, u'll be receiving P10 worth of load and register after by texting 10 to 258.." not just that, "i love you very much, part.." ended the message.

I took a bath so early because we are going to church and we had to fetch my ate ayza to go with us. I was so happy that time because I really felt God's grace inside me, until afternoon, i was reading the book "Book of Hope" which is about Jesus' Story and other advices, when he texted me that we can already have our chatting which we planned for few days already. And i went to an internet cafe' and logged in, i prayed just right before we started. But the internet access in the internet cafe' he was in was logging and my tempered bursted up! I got angry. I logged out and called him, i scolded at him and found his phone unattended everytime i try to call. Until this very time, i can't contact him. It hurts me so much.

I wonder very much..

What is happening to us?

Are we fading away?

If yes, this will be my third heartache, the same reason: distant relationship..

i warned myself about this one but i couldn't avoid falling for him. However, I still hope for him, I know God has plans, He's my only hope.. Because I know, He wants the best for me..

Persons Under Our Home's Roof

I am proud to be CARIM, because we are all achievers and beautiful- of course, that’s for those who TRULY care for us. In this blog, I want to introduce my family, starting for my parents and siblings. I love them so much and I am very proud of them.

My Mother- her name is Dyesebel Adrias Carim, we call her ‘mama’ an image of a perfect mother. She is so beautiful. I inherited it from her, I’m not kidding. She is funny sometimes but there are also times that she becomes a nagger which we hate the most, maybe we just can’t understand her this time, someday we will ‘because we must. She hates when her child is involved in a harmful situation. Like getting in a relationship that can hinder our studies, she’s a mother right?

My Father- actually, he is now dead, I never saw his face and I can’t really reminisce even one of our memories, maybe because he wasn’t there while I grew up. Anyway, he is Riga Morrow Carim, a muslim.

My Step-Father- he is Benigno Caspillo Celeste, my mom’s childhood sweetheart. He has been with us for almost 12 years, he played the father’s role in our life and because of that, I loved him as a father though sometimes, I tend to hurt him. He is sweet and a good counselor. I learned a lot of things from him, and most of all, we have great debt of gratitude to him because without him, we never survived when my papa left us.

Kuya Jan2- my oldest brother, he’s not my pa’s son, but a son of my ma’s first husband, but we still treated each other as siblings, just like there’s nothing wrong with being half-sis or half-bro. He’s Jonathan Adrias Malimban, already married to Jane Espanola Malimban and has two daughters: Tin2 and Kathy.

Kuya Kox- just like kuya jan2, Rommel Adrias Malimban is also my half brother but he was my favorite when we’re little, because he was the one who protected us from our lola who has bad temper on us. He’s also married to Mary Rose Elnar Malimban and has one son, kurt2.

Kuya Andoy- his real name is Andre’ Ismael Adrias Carim, ma and pa’s first child, he is a good cook and now living with his wife in Taguig, Manila. I don’t know his wife’s real name, but we call her ate bebeth, he has 3 sons.

Kuya Talay- above all, this Ryan Omar Adrias Carim is the best playboy I’ve ever known, haha. He’s so generous; he likes to treat us to buy foods and etcetera. He’s now married too to Archie Espartero and has his first son, kurt ryan.

Kuya Asong- this guy is the smartest of us all; he was the only one who finished his schooling. He’s now an engineer in Saudi and the one who’s sustaining us in our studies. He’s my favorite too ‘cause he said I am the cutest and sweetest sister he has. How nice! By the way, Gerard Razul Adrias Carim is kuya asong, still single.

Ate Ayza- the first girl my ma had, she is Karen Ayza Adrias Carim and now married with a one month old baby, karyza. She is very sweet too, and smart. She likes to have fun with the family and eat only rice. She said, we’ll go to Hongkong when I grow up, and until now, that is still a promise.

Kuya Adiv- the most handsome of the CARIM BOYS, taking up Bs-Criminology in our hometown. He was a playboy but his heart now is only owned by his girlfriend who’s also my friend. He was the only brother who had racing games with me when I was a child. He is too bossy but having a soft heart in terms of love. Al Rajiv Adrias Carim is his real name.

Kuya Von- my most favorite kuya, ahe took care of me when I was sick here in MSU. He likes me as her sister too, we had our best bondings when we were in high school. He is also smart, a DOST Scholar of MASU-GENSAN, he’s taking up BS-Mechanical Engineering. He’s my mama’s favorite son aside from kuya asong. He is sweet also, caring, he always reminds us to eat on time because he says that ulcer is very very painful. He has the longest name of us all, my papa’s ‘junior’, Sultan Von Allih Adrias Carim.

May2- this is the child next to me, the youngest, a spoiled brat. But she is very sweet sometimes, we often have fight and competitions but of course, our sisterhood reigns all the time. She is smarter than me but she just doesn’t know how to use it. She is so talkative; she has really a loud voice which ruins anyone’s sleep every time she talks in the night. She is taller than me, but what I love in her is, she needs me all the time and doesn’t hesitate to show it.

This is my family, my best possession, my inspiration in living. We get along every Christmas Eve and New Year eve, but sadly, we’ve never been complete since the day we departed because of some reasons, my only wish every Christmas is, being with all of them. When shall we be complete at last? I hope sooner..

ME: Who am i?

Who am I?

I sometimes ask that to myself. Not all the time, I know who I really am. And i hate to think about it, I should take time to find myself and I need to sacrifice something to succeed, of which I can't really do. But I’ll try to introduce myself to you, tell you some things I know about myself.

I am a happy girl, I want a happy life, and I always love to laugh and laugh and laugh all the way. I will do anything to have it, but I often find myself just trying to stand from being dumped. I am talkative, I want to share all the things about me to anyone who asks for it, but sadly, nobody had interest.

I love my parents, very much! I want them to be happy too, so I am doing my all to succeed now. Though sometimes I tend to fail them and break their hearts, I hate it too.

I am in love; with a person I am willing to spend the rest of my life with. I did everything for him, because that’s what I am, a suicide lady, and a martyr.

My Ambition in life? My dreams? Simple. First, to live my life simple without any regrets from the past, to make all my love-ones happy, to be a great wife and a perfect Christian.

I am real; I don’t want to hide myself. I hunger for REALITY.