It has been exactly A YEAR..

Dear Mark,

Praise be to Jesus!

I wrote to you not to annoy you nor to impress you but to express this thing.
I just remember that It was April 16, 2009, when we decided to do something for ourselves, which created a big impact to our lives, to leave our parents and go away.
And it was April 17 when we met in Marbel.
Well, I just remembered those times, we were so brave to do such thing.
I don't say that it was okay. I know, with the status we have now, those are just past, ugly past.
It has been a year already but the things we did are still here in my heart.
It has been a year already but the memories are still coming back.
I know you hate me now, or let's say, forgotten me.
And you blame me because I was the reason why you didn't took your studies seriously.
That you did something bad to your parents.

I was sorry.
I am sorry.
And I'll be forever sorry.

I didn't mean to ruin your life. And mine, too.
I didn't mean to be loved so much by you.

Well, thank you so much for all the memories you shared.
The things that has happened to me because of you, changed me, made me stronger.

But still, I miss you badly and I'm still thinking about you.
Yet, I'm done crying.
A little more time and I'll be totally over the pain.

Thanks for reading this.
Happy 634th day of knowing each other.
John Mark Aparri Pon has been residing in my heart for 1 year, 8 months, and 26 days.

You take care, God bless you.

another politician inside MSU-GenSan Gymnasium

EDU MANZANO was just right infront of me..

But I couldn't take a picture of him because I didn't have camera.

Anyway, he was here in MSU-GENSAN Gymnasium because, just like other running candidates, he was to scatter his fume. He was really a celebrity, haha. His skin is so smooth, fair and fine. I'd love to hug him but I didn't have enough courage or guts to do that. And infact, I don't idolize him that much. He is Ilonggo. He speaks Ilonggo very well and it was music to my ears because it made me proud to be an Ilongga. Haha. He talks with humor. The behaviour he showed was exactly the attitude he was showing when he's still in Pilipinas Game Ka Na Ba? And that's all. Others are mine to hide. Anyway, I have now a bracelet his staff was giving. A remembrance..

who am I in Christ?

 

I  am accepted...

I am God's child ~ John 1:12

As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ ~ John 15:15

I have been justified ~ Romans 5:1

I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit ~ 1 Corinthians 6:17

I have been bought with a price, and I belong to God ~ 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

I am a member of Christ's body ~ 1 Corinthians 12:27

I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child ~ Ephesians 1:3-8

I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins ~ Colossians 1:13-14

I am complete in Christ ~ Colossians 2:9-10

I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ ~ Hebrews 4:14-16

I am secure...

I am free from condemnation ~ Romans 8:1-2

I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances ~ Romans 8:28

I am free from any condemnation brought against me, and I cannot be separated from the love of God ~ Romans 8:31-39

I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God ~ 2 Corinthians 1:21-22

I am hidden with Christ in God ~ Colossians 3:1-4

I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me ~ Philippians 1:6

I am a citizen of Heaven ~ Philippians 3:20

I have not been given the spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind ~ 2 Timothy 1:7

I am born of God, and the evil one cannot touch me ~ 1 John 5:18

I am significant...

I am the branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life ~ John 15:5

I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit ~ John 15:16

I am God's temple ~ 1 Corinthians 3:16

I am a minister of reconciliation for God ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17-21

I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm ~ Ephesians 2:6

I am God's workmanship ~ Ephesians 2:10

I may approach God with freedom and confidence ~ Ephesians 3:12

I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me ~ Philippians 4:13

THE MORE YOU REAFFIRM WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST, the more your behavior will begin to reflect your true identity!

gEttinG aDdictEd tO adObE..

This is one of my successful projects made using adobe photoshop CS4. Gosh, I am getting addicted to it. Anyway, I plan to use my knowledge there in making pictures and photos for the glory of the Lord. Just follow this link: jesusbride.tumblr.com ..and u'll see what i mean.. Okay then, I gotta say bye-bye 'cause I got more projects to be done. Haha. See yah!

a famiLy that pRays tOgetheR, stAys fOreveR =)

These are my family pictures..

But we don't actually pray here..

COMPLETE: siblings

(from the left : ate ayza, mai-mai, kuya andoy, kuya jan2 (naka-sunglass), ME, kuya asong, kuya kox, kuya adiv, kuya talay and kuya von)..

(from eldest to youngest..)

left-top: kuya jan2, kuya kox, kuya andoy, kuya talay, kuya asong, kuya adiv and kuya von..

right-bottom:ate ayza, me and mai2..

My mama at the center =)

Nasa harap yan ng bahay..

We were waiting for the truck, service namin..

 

that's me with my niece and nephews..

the girl is tin2, and the two boys are tisoy(beside me) and dave..

 

 Watta big family i have..

We were watching a movie that time..

 

HURRRRAAAAYYYY!!!!

Owhhh..

So cute.. that's Mark's god-daughter =)

 my ate ayza's child..

me and my younger sis mai2..

sabi nila, i look like the younger daw =)

 

eating time..

ahmm, ako ang nag-take ng photo ='(

anyway, that's nanay kadoL(right side ni kuya von) and my kuya's friend(right side ni kuya adiv).. 

 

That's all..

THANKS and GOD BLESS OUR FAMILY!!

aLonE? nEveR !

For how many times that i posted on this blog site that I am lonely, sad and hurt, I think it's time to do something for a change.

Who says that Miss Lady Asrah Carim is a LONER ONE? NO WAY!

I was blind, I guess. I didn't see the real wealth that I have. I focused on myself and my heart. It doesn't mean that if I was left by Mark, i am now alone? That's silly. He's not my world. He doesn't even deserve it. Anyway, when I had myself hooked into a selfish relationship with Mark, there I was really alone. Because, I thought that I had no other friends aside form him, I had no family, well I have but I didn't know that then. It was a whole foolishness! My family was never gone, they were there to support me, and to advice and to try to tell me that I am in a deep problem, and I really was. I was just too naive to see that. I had my friends, waiting for me to come near them, but I didn't, I thought they were too far to reach, yet the fact was they were hoping that I would give them some attention. Myself? Where was my self? I agree that I lost my mind. I didn't love myself. I loved him more that I love ME. Insanity, right? Those times, I had him. But now, where is he? There, laughing at a corner, being proud that he got me served. And GOD? I thought He didn't care. I thought He would consider us. But thanks to Him, he took my feet out of the MUD.

Everything, when I was still with Mark, was with me. I have ALL THAT I NEED. I was just too selfish to turn away from them, for Mark's sake. Now, I still have that everything, except for the main reason that I took it for granted, the man that I loved, is now gone.

BUT I AM NEVER ALONE =)

sEaRch foR aDriAs' swEetEst LovEtEaM '09

Last October 2009, we had our first family reunion, we were complete then, ten mama's children. That was a two-day celebration. The first day was held in our house, we had a simple lunch. We were given a chance to talk infront of the guests about how we feel that the dream reunion was there. Some cried, some didn't. Haha.

And the second day was held in the beach. Wapak! That was fun! Haha. We took pictures of ourselves emoting, posing wacky looks and etcetera. And I was the one who conducted the parlor games. Wohooo. We laughed and laughed and laughed. i was so happy that time.

And of course, since we are complete. We took the chance of having the three couples of our family. Here is the picture:

 ( Kuya Kox and Ate Che, Kuya Jan and Ate Jie, and Kuya Andoy and Ate Bebeth.)

Fabulous poses, right? And now, who's the sweetest pair? You judge =)

too late..

We have arrived at 7 o'clock in the evening; I and my boyfriend Harry were so tired. Before he left, we had our conversation.

“Harry, what do you think, did we make the children in the church happy?” I asked.

“Of course we did ash. Actually, I enjoyed it too. After how many years of being there for them, we loved them with all our hearts. It feels so good to have them as our own, if we can only afford it.” He answered.

“Yeah, right.” I said with a smile on my face, “Anyway, I loved the way you tell stories to them. Oh, God, I am so happy.”

He touched my cheeks and looked at me so tenderly. Then, he smiled.

“But I will be most happy if I would have you as my wife, Ash.” He said.

I blushed, and hugged him.

“Honey, what time is it?” I asked him.

“I know, I know, time to go home.”

“Got it. Haha.”

“I love you?..” He was waiting for my answer.

“I love you too, Harry. Let’s take a rest, I’m so tired.” I smiled.

“Good night, you take care, okay?”

“I will, honey, you too.”

And we departed.

“KRINGGGGG… KRINGGGGG..”

I woke up but still unconscious. I got the alarm clock and looked at the time.

“Six o’clock? It’s so early. Oh my God, Harry. He re-set it..”

I stood up and took a bath, it’s Monday. So I need to be early for school. A teacher should be always earlier that her students, I always reminded myself of that.

It was 12 o’clock in the afternoon. I decided to have a walk in the school’s baseball field. I always want to have a quiet time for God, so I sat down and looked at the wide and empty field. Then, I prayed.

After opening my eyes, I saw a man standing not so far from my location. I was curious because it seemed that he is in deep thinking. I slowly came near him. He’s not aware that I was there. I couldn’t see his face because he’s not facing at me. After minutes of staring at him, I asked with the tone of curiosity.

“Are you okay?”

And he turned back.

Everything went dark and I stunned on my feet when our eyes met. My heart was beating so fast. And I can also see in his face the amazement and shock. I didn’t know what to utter first. I was completely smashed by my emotions. Then, a I heard a voice that woke me up from being stunned.

“How have you been?” The man asked.

“I-I am f-fine, how about you?”

He looked at me differently and I noticed some tiny drops of tears falling from his eyes. My emotions started to burst inside me. And I can feel my eyes going wet. No way, I should not weep, so I held it and asked.

“What are you doing here?”

He wiped his tears simply and answered me with a hug.

“I missed you so much, part.”

I couldn’t hold my tears anymore so I started to sob. And I hugged him too.

“I miss you too, part..”

But suddenly, a force coming from my body made me to push him away.

“What are you doing?”

“I searched for you anywhere, part. And I knew from papa that you work here. Look at you, you are successful now.” He answered.

“Why? You didn’t continue your schooling?”

“I did, after four years if being a bum; I decided to come back to MSU to start again. You know what? I thought I would see you there.”

“Okay, but anyway, why are you here?”

“I want to talk to you and tell you that I am so sorry for what I’ve done to you. I’ve regretted it. I missed the way you hug, the way you kiss and even the way you love me. I miss the whole you.”

 “But it can’t be, how about Shem?”

“We didn’t last. I realized that I love you really and I was wrong to find someone new and I thought someone better. But she’s not.”

“Why are you doing this?”

‘I want you back.” He continued.

I was feeling mixed emotions that moment. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say and how to say that I hated him for breaking my heart long ago. I waned to slap him but I also wanted to hug him. Bu then, my phone vibrated, it was a call. So I picked it up.

“Honey, are you busy tonight?” Harry said.

“Ahm, no I’m not. Why?” I answered while looking at Mark. I saw him looking downward. It was so obvious that he was hurt.

“Mom will cook a dinner for us; she wants to have you at the house after your class. Please do come? Please?” He said with a soft and convincing voice. It made me smile.

“Yes Harry, I will. Uhm, I need to put the phone down, I have something to finish up here, okay?”

“I love you, honey..”

I answered with, “I love you too..” and put the phone down.

Mark became so quiet and he couldn’t even look at me. His eyes were teary and he’s getting red.

“I am so sorry, I need to go.” I said. And I turned back. But..

“Do you still love me too? Tell me honestly..”

“You sounded like me..”

“Answer me, do you still love me?”

“Honestly? Yes.. it never faded.” I sighed. “I need to go..”

“I want you back..” He said.

Upon hearing that, my tears fell down. And I faced him and said..

“You had the chance to have me back, four years ago. I begged for you. I suffered and sacrificed for you. But still, you broke my heart.”

“Please give me another chance to make it up to you?’

“Did you give me a last chance to correct the mistakes I made? Did you consider waiting for three months for me to move-on first before finding a new? Do you know how much pain you brought me?”

“I am sorry..”

“I forgave you already, but I have forgotten you too. It’s too late; Harry is waiting for me already. Good-bye.” And I turned back again.

“But I love you..” He said with a soft voice.

I heard it but I continued to walk straight. When I looked back, he’s walking away. Ans he looked back too. He was crying.

I smiled at waved my hand biding goodbye.

But I whispered, “I love you too..”

Then..

“KRRRRINGGGGGG…”

I opened my eyes. And I saw Harry’s face at the door. Smiling and holding my alarm clock.

“Good morning honey, get up..”

I stood up and looked at my pillows. They are wet, my eyes too.

“Why are you crying baby? Did you have a bad dream last night?” Harry asked.

I said, “Bad dream? Maybe..”

“Why?”

‘Because it was just a dream’, I told myself.

“Nothing.”

BRAND NEW GUY: NO WAY !

Year 2009 has been so tough for me, almost all heartaches, problems and stressful stories are written here.

But not all..

Right after the MASH CHRONICLES, there came another guy. I've known him through texting. The story was, i wrote here that mark has found a new girl, and it was so freaking painful to me. After our last talk, I went to a friend's boarding house to enjoy myself and divert the pain. I asked her what to do. She gave me the number of her ex-suitor. So, because I wanna really have fun, I asked the number's owner to be my friend. And we became friends. Then, while we're on the middle of our texting, he asked me to help him know Jesus Christ. I got interested so without any hesitations, I asked him to meet me. We met at our campus. I was wearing yellow blouse and he's wearing a green jacket. I took the opportunity to share the Word of God to him and I've got him interested.

Then, we continued our meetings and texting. Until such time that we had our special bonding together. Like star gazing and malling. My plan was plainly discipleship but he has a different motive. That was to become my boyfriend. His name is Kenneth. One time, we shared each other's stories, I told him my past with Mark, almost everything. And he told me his. That he has a girlfriend, a nagger one, that he wants to take off his life and start another. You know, I cried so much when I told him my story and he was there to comfort me. After that, he never left me alone.

Until we became closer and closer. One time, we went to a beach here in GenSan and we had so much fun. And he confessed to me his feelings for me, he said he likes me and he wants me to be his boyfriend. But, he also told me that I should realize that he is Ken, not Mark. He said, I am seeking Mark from him. Anyway, my answer was YES.

Before I left GenSan for the Christmas Holiday, we were together, I was so happy while spending the night with him in Plaza. We did nothing but talk and talk and talk and eat. Haha. SWEAR!

But when I got home, a problem arose, his girlfriend and I had conflicts. Until such time that I broke up with Ken. Now, they are together again, because I gave way.

One thing I learned from my 10-days relationship with Ken is not to seek other's presence from a person, I should have accepted him as he was.

But I don't regret anything. I gained a friend after-all, his girlfriend, Crys.

Actually, this is a bit long story but it's getting late so I need to rest. I have a goal to attain. So, that's all, goodnight!

MINE to HERS

 I am totally broken..

 This time, I don't know what to do. I wanna cry, I wanna scream.. I even want to kill myself.. But oooopppsss.. Before that, I wanna state the story first so that you may understand why I am behaving this way..

He said he wanted a break, a rest. So I did. After our break-up, though I tried my very best to save our relationship, I gave him enough time and space so he can have refreshments and forgive me after that.

But that is not what has happened. One time, one morning, I was very shocked when I have received a text from an unknown number. I was prepared to go to school that time. The text said that I was the reason why their family were fighting. I reviewed the text message once again, and I found out, it came from him. I was totally freaked out so I decided to call him.. and i did.. I told him that I didn't do anything.. and he said, "Fine, from now on, don't contact me and my parents.." and he hung the phone. I cried and cried after that, I can't admit that he said those words to me, knowing that he's been so sweet..

After, I went to school and I was late. But I still entered our room at the middle of the class.

Then, when the lecture ended, I went to my sister's house to visit my niece. And then, he texted me saying, "Call please.." Worried about what happened to him, I did call. I noticed that he cried before I called.. obvious to his voice.. then, the call ended.. what he told me was he's sorry for his misbehavior, and i said it's fine..

I texted him if what is the reason why he's crying.. u now, i thought we're going to be fine until he said that we're just friends.. it's fine though it hurts a bit.. I insisted to call him again, and I did..

U know what? I asked him if he has someone new, and he said, "HONESTLY? YES."

'GUMUHO ang MUNDO ko..'

I couldn't believe it. That very moment, I want to bang my head on the concrete wall. And I did.. I wasn't contented, so I punched the wall. It was very very painful. And he said, "SORRY.".. and I asked him why.. he won't answer.. I asked if he loves her, he wont answer..

Three months..

I was asking for atleast three months to move-on before finding someone new.. I can't really understand why he did it to me.. I know I got a mistake but I was so so so so sorry for it.. My heart was bleeding, crying for help.. but nobody was there to help me but my sister whom I hugged.

IT HURT A LOT..

and IT STILL HURTING..

How can he do this me? Why that easy? After all the things we did for each other?

But, what comforts me a lot is the thought that when God takes something special from u, surely he will replace someone better.. the God's Will.. but it still hurts.. it became insanely painful when I saw his friendster, he changed his password, primary pictures, erased our album, and the details about himself? He changed the names into SHEM, which was previously mine. PAINFUL, isn't it? He is cruel.

Anyway, I can do nothing about it. He's over me. No matter how I cry, It won't affect him. What I can do now is to trust the Lord for his plan is always the best for me.

For him?..

PART, until now I am bearing the pain, I have forgiven u but I would never ever forget what you did to me.. when I move-on, let's talk.. I now someday, I will be coming there.. I will make sure that there is pain no more.. but lastly, i hope that u will find ur happiness to her, the permanent one..

Until here..

GOD, HELP ME PLEASE..