MINE to HERS

 I am totally broken..

 This time, I don't know what to do. I wanna cry, I wanna scream.. I even want to kill myself.. But oooopppsss.. Before that, I wanna state the story first so that you may understand why I am behaving this way..

He said he wanted a break, a rest. So I did. After our break-up, though I tried my very best to save our relationship, I gave him enough time and space so he can have refreshments and forgive me after that.

But that is not what has happened. One time, one morning, I was very shocked when I have received a text from an unknown number. I was prepared to go to school that time. The text said that I was the reason why their family were fighting. I reviewed the text message once again, and I found out, it came from him. I was totally freaked out so I decided to call him.. and i did.. I told him that I didn't do anything.. and he said, "Fine, from now on, don't contact me and my parents.." and he hung the phone. I cried and cried after that, I can't admit that he said those words to me, knowing that he's been so sweet..

After, I went to school and I was late. But I still entered our room at the middle of the class.

Then, when the lecture ended, I went to my sister's house to visit my niece. And then, he texted me saying, "Call please.." Worried about what happened to him, I did call. I noticed that he cried before I called.. obvious to his voice.. then, the call ended.. what he told me was he's sorry for his misbehavior, and i said it's fine..

I texted him if what is the reason why he's crying.. u now, i thought we're going to be fine until he said that we're just friends.. it's fine though it hurts a bit.. I insisted to call him again, and I did..

U know what? I asked him if he has someone new, and he said, "HONESTLY? YES."

'GUMUHO ang MUNDO ko..'

I couldn't believe it. That very moment, I want to bang my head on the concrete wall. And I did.. I wasn't contented, so I punched the wall. It was very very painful. And he said, "SORRY.".. and I asked him why.. he won't answer.. I asked if he loves her, he wont answer..

Three months..

I was asking for atleast three months to move-on before finding someone new.. I can't really understand why he did it to me.. I know I got a mistake but I was so so so so sorry for it.. My heart was bleeding, crying for help.. but nobody was there to help me but my sister whom I hugged.

IT HURT A LOT..

and IT STILL HURTING..

How can he do this me? Why that easy? After all the things we did for each other?

But, what comforts me a lot is the thought that when God takes something special from u, surely he will replace someone better.. the God's Will.. but it still hurts.. it became insanely painful when I saw his friendster, he changed his password, primary pictures, erased our album, and the details about himself? He changed the names into SHEM, which was previously mine. PAINFUL, isn't it? He is cruel.

Anyway, I can do nothing about it. He's over me. No matter how I cry, It won't affect him. What I can do now is to trust the Lord for his plan is always the best for me.

For him?..

PART, until now I am bearing the pain, I have forgiven u but I would never ever forget what you did to me.. when I move-on, let's talk.. I now someday, I will be coming there.. I will make sure that there is pain no more.. but lastly, i hope that u will find ur happiness to her, the permanent one..

Until here..

GOD, HELP ME PLEASE..

He's GONE..

HE IS GONE.

This guy with me in the picture is the first man I loved so much with all of my life. I loved him really and I still love him. That is why until now, I can't move-on. It hurts, so much to think that all of those things that we did for each other are gone. I did everything for him. We had our best and worst times together. I know him already, from inside and out. He's a kind of person that is really really hard to love but you will love to love him, especially when he loves you. Because when he does, he does everything for you. He doesn't think about himself, but about me all the time. I miss those moments that he was sleeping in my legs with his arms around my waist, staring at me while smiling and saying that he loves me so much. I miss those times that we eat our meals together and despite of all the trials of life, we can still laugh at the corner; never stop on making other feel how valuable he/she is. The time when he wore the ring on me while uttering the words, "I LOVE YOU". These words? They keep on whispering my ears, never refrained from making me long for him more and more.He was a funny kind of guy that though he's not talkative, you will enjoy his company. He loved me so much, I felt that. He always told me that he doesn't want to lose me and it's going to kill him. He did everything that could make me happy. From material to actual things, he was so sweet. He wanted to hold my hands always, when he held my hands, it was so tight that I can't even remove my hands from his. He didn't care if somebody sees us, if he wants to hug me; he does it sweetly and so tenderly. Even his parents did love me, they all showed me that they love me and they are always willing to help me. I was so happy, it was so perfect... 
Until now...
It's like a good dream that when I wake up, everything is so different yet the feeling is still there. Yes, I still love him so so so much! Our break up was the start of these miserable things that had happened to me. I still miss him and his memories. I think, those will remain in my heart forever because I will forever love him... maybe, though this time, maybe, he loves somebody else already.. Ouch, but, it's all my fault... i gave up, i didn't fight for him... i regret it... 
Part, mahal ko? Mahal parin talaga kita, I still love you and I miss you so much. Thanks for the moments you've shared with me, you became the most important person in my life and until now, you are still very important to me. You will always be my ONE and ONLY LOVE. I promised to love you forever, so I will love you forever... GOODBYE!

I couldn't hold, my tears now, I want to cry out loud. If only I could do that. I have nothing to say anymore, but two words: IT HURTS.

Cool off or Call off?

Whatever! It's not the main idea of what I am going to write now. Anyway, I miss you all. It's been a while since I opened my account and wrote my nonsense life here. Haha!

Speaking about 'nonsense', hmm. Maybe it is really a nonsense thing to start this blog with an emotional words. Like: OUCH! IT HURTS! HE's GONE! I LET HIM GO! And etchetera. NONSENSE! O.A.. right? But, ehemm. There are true.

To start with, I thank the man who hooked my heart for making me love him so much.

(IN TAGLISH ONLY, nahihirapan na akong mag-english)

Ganito kasi yan, one time, nagplan kaming magtexting the day after, at exactly 9:00am, dapat unli na kami. So, kinabukasan, well-prepared na talaga ako, (ako pa!!) but he was not. I wondered kung bakit past nine na, di pa xia nagtetext, so I called him using the *110 promo. And I found out that hindi pa pala xia nakapagload, medyo nainis ako.Nagstart nang magboil ang dugo ko. But he said na wait lang daw ako. Eh ang ako, dahil nainis na, hindi na nakapaghintay, I became a nagging gf. Ganun, nagalit xia. But before that, ako muna nagload sakanya kasi sabi niya di muna xia makapagload kasi wala ang parents niya. Then, ayun na. Nag-away na talaga kami. Umandar yung pagiging bossy niya at ako naman, yung pagiging nagger ko.

Hahai, dumating sa issue ng kwentahan, actually it's my fault. Accidentally, nasabihan ko xia sa text na, "AKO NAGLOAD SAU AH, DI KA BA NAHIYA SAKIN?", so lumabas na kinuwentahan ko xia sa lahat ng tulong ko. Nasaktan xia, nagalit. At di ko na talaga siya napigilan sa pag-burst out. Di na niya sinasagot tawag at texts ko that day. Ayoko ko talaga ng ganyan. So, nangulit ako, tapos ayun, palpak lahat2. Then, dumating ung time na depressed na talaga ako maxado, iyak ako ng iyak ng iyak. Sabi ko, magpapakamatay ko, infact, I meant it that moment. Alam niyo ba kung anong response niya? Tumahimik daw ako kasi O.A na daw ako, nasaktan ako maxado kaya nagdecide ako agad na tapusin na ung relationship namin, naputol pa talaga ung tawag. Before natapos ung call, cnabi ko sa kanya na hindi xia deserving at marami pa. Ayun, naubos na pera ko sa kaloload at napuputol lang. Ung iba, di niya sinasagot.

Yun na ang simula ng lahat, di na xia kumokontak sakin, di niya rin sinasagot tawag ko. Hanggang sa sabi niya, rest muna daw kami kasi pagod na daw xia. Maxado akong nasaktan. Every word he said, nasaktan ako. Sobrang sakit. Kaya yun na.. Hanggang ngayon, di pa talaga kami nagkabalikan. Maxadong naging miserable ung everyday ko. But he's there whenever I need him, tumtawag ako sakanya. Yun nga lang, wala ng sweet words. Hahai..

Lord, sana maayos na to.. Mahal ko pa kasi siya talaga..

Sa nakabasa nito.. Whatever your reaction is, I dont care.. Kaya nga blog ko to ehh.. Well, salamat naang sa effort.. Wag niyo gagayahin ginawa ko ha?? BAD yan..

PAALAM!!

MISSING HIM

I'm missing him badly. I am always like this, seeking for his comfort. Gosh! My heart's empty right now and he's the one it's waiting. I miss Mark so much. I miss the way he smiles at me, the way he touch my face, fix my hair, the way he talks to me, the way he walks, the things he does for me, like, coming over to my boarding house and wake me up, and we'll eat together, go to school together, hanging-out, shopping, playing, dancing.. EVERYTHING! And I don't know what to do. I don't want to call him because I think maybe it's time for him to do his part. But, until when shall I wait? It hurts. I hope he'll care to text or call me. He doesn't know how much I crave for his presence. I miss you part, please come back?!

One-Four-Three-Two-Four

Since the day I met you, part;
And the day you became mine.
I already needed you as you are,
And let you love me as I am.

I know from the moment I hugged you.

That this feeling will choose to do
Do everything to have Cupid’s bow
Struck in your heart to love me too.

I already wrote several poems,
Words for you are seen in my room,
Shirt with our name was worn,
And those useless pasts were already torn.

You became my boyfriend and a best friend.

Whenever I needed you, you are suddenly there,
And treated my heart that's broken in despair.
You promised to be with me until the end.

Those days that we're still together?

My love was shown through my laughter.
Though pain were expressed by tears,
I know this love will never quit.

Though we also had our hard times,

In fact you and I intended to lie.
We've let ourselves go into a fight.
But after, take place the sweetness and smile.

Part, I thank you so..

For making me happy when I was blue.
And for doing everything I ask you,
For pleasing me always though you already do.

But like a fairytale, i think this is it.

In the challenge for us that life gave,
We have to be stronger than we'll ever be,
To surpass these trials of our elusive dreams.

My friend, my dad, my love;

You are the best that I have.
Go for gold, do a good job.
For me, for us, i know you can do that.

This poem was written for you to see,

That you are the best guy for me.
In the name of love, I want you to believe;
That I LOVE YOU SO, YOU ONLY!

He's Coming Back: Tak's Version

He's coming back. My kuya Asong is coming back! Hurraayyy!!

See this picture on the opposite side? That's my ever-handsome kuya! Our brightest kuya and our strict-est kuya! Peace kuya?

Hmm. I am just very happy because atlast, our most genius brother is going to spend the time with us without a notebook infront of him. I am so excited because I know, we'll be having our bonding. Hurry kuya!

He addressed me as his SWEETEST SIS and that was so sweet too. I am touched and proud. Grabeh! Kuya is now a professional while me? A long way to go. But, he's our inspiration. We long to achieve what he's achieved. I want to go where he went. And I want to do what he did.

For you kuya, thank you so much for helping us. Without you, I doubt if it's going to be easy for us to study here. We owe you great things kuya. Always remember that God always provide our needs, just rejoice despite of the trials. Psalms 37:4, "Delight yourself also in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart." Once again, thank you kuya ko and WELCOME BACK.

I love you so much.

Your cutest sister,

Taktak

Letter For My Love

My Everdearest Mark,

I was very incomplete until I knew you, i became very different since i've met you, and i am totally happy since i had you.

Having you in my life wasn't so easy for me for i knew that somebody was owning your heart and mine too. But, I thank God because He made a way to let us fall for each other and we did. Part? You were one of my closest friend, the sweetest actually. You've showed me things that really touched my heart and became the reason why i found myself in a corner longing to have you as mine. MINE.

You don't know part how happy i was the day we became lovers, i was very excited to go to school because of you. PLUS! Gosh, i couldn't stop falling for you more and more!! You are so easy to love. You hooked me. CONGRATS! Haha..

Remember the first monthsary of ours? First, we went to Maharlika with your relatives and after went to the city to attend our Chanting practice but we only brought P100 and we ended up in a wrong place? That was so fun. We had our bondings together. Talked about ourselves and became closer than ever.

I am not really sure if it was our 2nd or 3rd monthsary when we went above the H-building and spent the day there? We brought foods just like we always do. PICNIC here, PICNIC there.

One of the sweetest thing i can eally remember is when you gave me a ring on our 4th monthsary. The proposal was so sweet and you know already that until now, the ring is still on my finger, never taken since the day you put it on.

We had lots of memories to cherish, right? The time we argued about 'disco' then after, we danced, just two of us then you didn't notice that you already cried? Hmm. Remember when we planned to get married at my age of 18? You were so dedicated, are you still now, part? RIGHT!!! Haha.. the shopaholic partner, that's us! We really thought we are the owner of the KCC Supermarket, we stroll and stroll and acted like we awere rich and will buy all of the products. But, hmpp!! We once bought a box of delatas. We planned to consume it within a month and we survived, even though there are times that we suffered. But still, there we were, laughing in a corner. Seemed to be no problem at all.

Hahaiii..

You know part? You are the greatest person i've ever known, aside from my family. You did LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of things just for me. You humbled yourself and offered me everything i want and need. I can't really forget how you satisfied yourself by eating only burger and coke while me? HAHA. I had all the foods, sundaes, spag, fries and etc.. that was so so sweet of you part..

And until now, I can't keep on falling inlove for you each day and i will never ever get you out of my life.. You are the one i am asking God for me..

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH part and THANK U, THANK U, THANK U for EVERYTHING, part...

HAPPY 14th MONTHSARY!!!!

Love,

asrah

Life in MSU..

The year was 2008 when I first stepped on MSU campus. My mama were here because she enrolled me and my brother Von at the school. First impression? Whoooaahhh!! I kept on saying,"This is some campus, so huge!" and also, like everyone's, this school is dusty and hot. But, since it's one of my dreams, to go to GENSAN, it didn't annoy me. I enjoyed it.

June 2 was the very first class here, my first subject was P.E. So i went to the gym but i did'nt know where i would go. I saw no rooms there, never thought that the gym itself is the class room. So what did i do? Simple, i dialled my bro's number then called him, "Kuya, dali ba, damu tana alagyan dire ah, di ko bal-an kung diin magkadto, tudlue ko ayh.." with matching crying-like voice. Minutes after, my bro was already there and pointed the way to my next room. I was really amazed with the roads i was taking, the rooms are separated and so far from each other. I got gallons and gallons of sweat, though i am not really sweaty.

Hmm.. I also met friends here, one was Charity and she was so sweet, we were always alone those times until the time that the gang became large and she was left out, i did'nt notice it. It was so terrible. The, there exist the The Egglets, me, petit and gaylord. The friendship was really fun, they helped me forget my past relationship with my ex, he was a mess, he's hurt me so muchbut thanks to them, i had forgotten him.

And of course, i will never end this blog up without telling the climax of the stor. Here in MSU, i found the guy i am loving now. He belongs to the friendship that grew in time.He was the only one who gave me a gift, specifically, a card on my 16th birthday. I was touched. He became my counselor and my sweetest friend. And until such time that LOVE between us existed. I can never forget the time when we had our confession to each other. I told him that i had a crush on him and do u know what did he tell me? He told me,"I think I love you.." but after, he clarified it, he said, "No, I really love you..".That happened at the Camanay. Hahaii.. But it wan not theday when we decided to create a realationship different and more special that what we had before that.And that happened on the day after that day. Hehe. Do you know how it happened? Actually, the day before, our talk ended without clarifying what was going between us, and he said, "Let's talk tomorrow.."..

My heart was shouting with joy. That time? I already loved him. But we both have our lovers still. Butthat night, he ended his relationship with his gf and mine? It was already done. So, after our second prelim exam on our math 17, we talked. He came with me up to the front of our house, then he asked me, "Is it okay with you to be my girlfriend.." That was really ENGLISH. I didn't know how to answer him. So what i did was to bring him infront of my ate and her bf and introduced him to them. After, he asked me, "what's ur decision?".. And i answered, "wasn't it a YES??".. And he smiled so beatifully.. I could see the joy inside him. He didn't know what to do, to hug me or not. But what was unforgettable there was the smile I saw on his face.

I told him not to inform anybody, but the day after, i was shocked when everybody asked me, "kamo na ni PON?"..

BLUSSSHHHHH!!!

Actually, if i need to tell you all the things happened to me here,i think i would spend much time to encode.

That's until now.. hope u enjoyed it!!

My First Poem For God

    Come Into My Life Lord

You were there Lord from the start
Opening Your arms for me and never stopped
Showing me great things yet I was blind
You were there Lord, in my life.

Forgive me Father for not
Opening the door of my heart
I was deaf when You knocked
But thank You Lord, You came back.

Welcome Oh Lord, I accept You
Enter in my heart that is only for You
Stay here forever, stay and don't go
For I love You Jesus, I love You so!

My God, My Father, my Savior and Friend
I owe You great things I can't even name
You're so Majesty is beyond compare
In my heart Lord, You are now here..

For My Dearest Mother

September 12, 2009
Saturday

Dear Mama,

Have a good day!!

How are you this time ma? I really really hope that you are just fine. How's your cough ma? Are feeling well already? Don't you know that I miss you so much, ma?

Ma, thank you so much for being the best mom in the world, huh? I am very lucky because you are my mom, I'm so blessed that you bore me as your daughter, hehe.

Ma, I am sorry for all the lapses that i have done to you. I have hurt your heart ma, I am so so sorry. I never realized how much it would tear your heart, but ma, I regret that I have done it to you. I love you ma, very much. This time, I promise to be eager in my studies because I want you to be very proud of me.

Thank you ma, for all the sacrifices you have made. Even though papa is not here, you still found a way to save us, to bring us to school and up to college. I really treat that as a great debt of gratitude ma, I owe you a lot of things in my life.

Ma, please get well soon? I'll be praying for you. I want to see you again and I want that in that time, you are already well. I don't want you sick, I'm hurt also.

I love you so much ma!!

Very very much!!

Until here ma.

Your daughter,
Taktak

Him or him?

My life turned around him.

He was my all.

I've given all i can give.

But, I'm left no choice but to let him go.

From the moment I have accepted Christ as my Personal Savior, I had the desire to grow up, to be mature in my spiritual life. I struggled so hard, I tried my best. And now, I have what I have desired. I am now a good messenger of Christ.

I loved him so much. I did all the things he told me to do. Sometimes, unreasonable but still I tried. I sacrificed a lot of things for him. Now that we're apart, we have been like dogs and cats, we always have conflict. I always cry. He became CRUEL.

HE loved me. HE has given me all I wanted. Protected me and my family. Healed my heart every time I'm hurt and most of all, HE gave me the chance to be what I really want, an Evangelist.

He never supported my desire to grow up in Christ. He forbade me to go to our ministry and to come with my friends to a bible study. He became my reason to sin. He's a hindrance, not an inspiration to my want to become what HE wants me to be.

Which shall I prefer? Whom shall I give my heart and LIFE?

To him that gives me a temporary happiness and permanent and endless tears or to HIM Who is the real source of my true joy and my heart healer, the One who really cares..

WHO??

Obviously, HIM, GOD..

I know it's too hard but I have to, and I know that HE knows the best for me..

My Boyfriend Is Forgetting Me

It hurts.
So much.

I opened my gmail account and i received a message from Mark's father and a message from his mother. I was excited upon reading it, they were so sweet. I felt like I am very special for them. They always say they love me and always willing to help me whenever i need them.

But.

I read from his father's message that they were with Mark on the internet cafe. I was really hurt. I feel like something has struck my heart. And my smile suddenly disappeared from my face. I hate to think of it. He has forgotten to send me a message via e-mail. Or better call it, he NEVER sent me an e-mail. What does that mean? What did he do on the internet cafe? Chatting? Surfing on the friendster? For whom? For what?

Something is really strange. Maybe he's over me and tired of me. Maybe he's not interested in sending me an e-mail or it might be, he doesn't love me no more.

OUCH!!
So painful.

I still love him. Though I sot a bit tired of us. But it's not my fault, I was just over with those crying days. However, he promised to come back here for me. But that's two months from now, and maybe next year. On this situation of ours, will we reach those times and we're still on? I can. But, can he?

I'm puzzled.
I want to talk to him.
But that's going to be so hard. He has no cellphone. But who cares? If he wants to communicate with me, he will find way to reach me. And he's not making a way.

OUCH again!!

Anyway, I'll let God control my life. I will just let His Will be done. Even though I am hurt now, the time will come that i'll be totally happy again.

My Sister's Confession

Marriage is supposed to be a new horizon, not a start of a miserable life with someone you chose to spend the rest of your life with. My older sister, ate ayza, was she wrong? How can I help her?

After class, i went to my sis' boarding house directly to watch 'MISS UNIVERSE 2009' and then stayed there until afternoon, and even night. I enjoyed my stay there because i am really fond of just lying down and watching telly, that's what killing my time, at the same time, i had my bonding with her and our friend, we laughed and laughed. So happy, life seems to be worry-less.

Yesterday, my ate borrowed me P500 worth of money to pay for her boarding house' rental. I think it wasn't supposed to be her responsibility. My ate has a one-year-old baby and a not-her-own husband(it's not her fault, she fell inlove with the wrong guy), i am sorry for being rude, my emotion this time is infact slightly anger and pity. I waited this night for her 'husband' because ate told me that he was going to pay me her debt.

He came, with a serious face. I hate to say but I saw no spark in his eyes already the time he saw my sister, unlike before that they were so sweet. I heard them talked about the debt and i played deaf while reading a book my ate recommended me. They were arguing about money, he said he has no money but it's actually 'kinsenas' and usually, he has already accepted his salary. But he has no money to give to ate. How was I? I wanted to cry for i pity my sister. It was very obvious that he's not telling the truth. Later that night, my ate went outside and called me, she cried when i caught her, she said, "i am sorry tak, i have nothing to do. Your kuya has no money really. Actually, I hate to accept the fact that everything has changed from the day yza(her baby) was born.. I did everything for him but look what he has done to me, i already admitted the truth that i can't be with him all the time because he has two family to feed, but atleast he would show some affection, it can help me forget that i was tired being alone all day.. he won't tell me the reality between the two of them(kuya and his real wife), though i was insisting.. you know tak, i am already ashamed of myself, i always borrow money to you but i can't pay back.. don't worry, next time, i will try my best not to borrow anymore."

I answered, "It's really fine to me to lend you some of my allowance because i really want to help.. i always planned to offer you but i was shy because i don't know what to say, don't worry ate, you can pay atleast a fourth or half of your debt, so that i can eat tomorrow..", then i prayed silently, "LORD, help my ate please..", i tried to keep my eyes dry but when the tears started to fall off my eyes, i suddenly felt ANGER yo the man who made my sister's life so miserable.."

My ate instructed me that after receiving the money, i can go home and leave them immediately so they can talk. And that's what i did, i went home, crying and praying.

Also, i have this fear inside me, what if this will happen to me too? Can i resist the pain? I don't think so.

But as God has promised, those who will have faith in him and live in accordance to his Word will be provided with all their needs. I won't stop praying and believing that all these trials would end up as a lesson to live life correctly, we all have our choices, that designs our life.

To ate: I love you ate, and I am willing to help you and be your friend in times of your sorrows. God bless you!

How We Celebrated Our 13th Monthsary

Last night, it was already 11:30 when i slept because i was preparing the message i am going to send to him, and it was successful. I prayed then slept.

There was like a bomb that woke me up this morning. I suddenly got up and checked my cellphone if ever he texted me first, but i failed. Still, i sent the message i prepared last night and i followed it up with an instruction about our activities this day, i said: "by 12, u'll be receiving P10 worth of load and register after by texting 10 to 258.." not just that, "i love you very much, part.." ended the message.

I took a bath so early because we are going to church and we had to fetch my ate ayza to go with us. I was so happy that time because I really felt God's grace inside me, until afternoon, i was reading the book "Book of Hope" which is about Jesus' Story and other advices, when he texted me that we can already have our chatting which we planned for few days already. And i went to an internet cafe' and logged in, i prayed just right before we started. But the internet access in the internet cafe' he was in was logging and my tempered bursted up! I got angry. I logged out and called him, i scolded at him and found his phone unattended everytime i try to call. Until this very time, i can't contact him. It hurts me so much.

I wonder very much..

What is happening to us?

Are we fading away?

If yes, this will be my third heartache, the same reason: distant relationship..

i warned myself about this one but i couldn't avoid falling for him. However, I still hope for him, I know God has plans, He's my only hope.. Because I know, He wants the best for me..

Persons Under Our Home's Roof

I am proud to be CARIM, because we are all achievers and beautiful- of course, that’s for those who TRULY care for us. In this blog, I want to introduce my family, starting for my parents and siblings. I love them so much and I am very proud of them.

My Mother- her name is Dyesebel Adrias Carim, we call her ‘mama’ an image of a perfect mother. She is so beautiful. I inherited it from her, I’m not kidding. She is funny sometimes but there are also times that she becomes a nagger which we hate the most, maybe we just can’t understand her this time, someday we will ‘because we must. She hates when her child is involved in a harmful situation. Like getting in a relationship that can hinder our studies, she’s a mother right?

My Father- actually, he is now dead, I never saw his face and I can’t really reminisce even one of our memories, maybe because he wasn’t there while I grew up. Anyway, he is Riga Morrow Carim, a muslim.

My Step-Father- he is Benigno Caspillo Celeste, my mom’s childhood sweetheart. He has been with us for almost 12 years, he played the father’s role in our life and because of that, I loved him as a father though sometimes, I tend to hurt him. He is sweet and a good counselor. I learned a lot of things from him, and most of all, we have great debt of gratitude to him because without him, we never survived when my papa left us.

Kuya Jan2- my oldest brother, he’s not my pa’s son, but a son of my ma’s first husband, but we still treated each other as siblings, just like there’s nothing wrong with being half-sis or half-bro. He’s Jonathan Adrias Malimban, already married to Jane Espanola Malimban and has two daughters: Tin2 and Kathy.

Kuya Kox- just like kuya jan2, Rommel Adrias Malimban is also my half brother but he was my favorite when we’re little, because he was the one who protected us from our lola who has bad temper on us. He’s also married to Mary Rose Elnar Malimban and has one son, kurt2.

Kuya Andoy- his real name is Andre’ Ismael Adrias Carim, ma and pa’s first child, he is a good cook and now living with his wife in Taguig, Manila. I don’t know his wife’s real name, but we call her ate bebeth, he has 3 sons.

Kuya Talay- above all, this Ryan Omar Adrias Carim is the best playboy I’ve ever known, haha. He’s so generous; he likes to treat us to buy foods and etcetera. He’s now married too to Archie Espartero and has his first son, kurt ryan.

Kuya Asong- this guy is the smartest of us all; he was the only one who finished his schooling. He’s now an engineer in Saudi and the one who’s sustaining us in our studies. He’s my favorite too ‘cause he said I am the cutest and sweetest sister he has. How nice! By the way, Gerard Razul Adrias Carim is kuya asong, still single.

Ate Ayza- the first girl my ma had, she is Karen Ayza Adrias Carim and now married with a one month old baby, karyza. She is very sweet too, and smart. She likes to have fun with the family and eat only rice. She said, we’ll go to Hongkong when I grow up, and until now, that is still a promise.

Kuya Adiv- the most handsome of the CARIM BOYS, taking up Bs-Criminology in our hometown. He was a playboy but his heart now is only owned by his girlfriend who’s also my friend. He was the only brother who had racing games with me when I was a child. He is too bossy but having a soft heart in terms of love. Al Rajiv Adrias Carim is his real name.

Kuya Von- my most favorite kuya, ahe took care of me when I was sick here in MSU. He likes me as her sister too, we had our best bondings when we were in high school. He is also smart, a DOST Scholar of MASU-GENSAN, he’s taking up BS-Mechanical Engineering. He’s my mama’s favorite son aside from kuya asong. He is sweet also, caring, he always reminds us to eat on time because he says that ulcer is very very painful. He has the longest name of us all, my papa’s ‘junior’, Sultan Von Allih Adrias Carim.

May2- this is the child next to me, the youngest, a spoiled brat. But she is very sweet sometimes, we often have fight and competitions but of course, our sisterhood reigns all the time. She is smarter than me but she just doesn’t know how to use it. She is so talkative; she has really a loud voice which ruins anyone’s sleep every time she talks in the night. She is taller than me, but what I love in her is, she needs me all the time and doesn’t hesitate to show it.

This is my family, my best possession, my inspiration in living. We get along every Christmas Eve and New Year eve, but sadly, we’ve never been complete since the day we departed because of some reasons, my only wish every Christmas is, being with all of them. When shall we be complete at last? I hope sooner..

ME: Who am i?

Who am I?

I sometimes ask that to myself. Not all the time, I know who I really am. And i hate to think about it, I should take time to find myself and I need to sacrifice something to succeed, of which I can't really do. But I’ll try to introduce myself to you, tell you some things I know about myself.

I am a happy girl, I want a happy life, and I always love to laugh and laugh and laugh all the way. I will do anything to have it, but I often find myself just trying to stand from being dumped. I am talkative, I want to share all the things about me to anyone who asks for it, but sadly, nobody had interest.

I love my parents, very much! I want them to be happy too, so I am doing my all to succeed now. Though sometimes I tend to fail them and break their hearts, I hate it too.

I am in love; with a person I am willing to spend the rest of my life with. I did everything for him, because that’s what I am, a suicide lady, and a martyr.

My Ambition in life? My dreams? Simple. First, to live my life simple without any regrets from the past, to make all my love-ones happy, to be a great wife and a perfect Christian.

I am real; I don’t want to hide myself. I hunger for REALITY.